To whom do you think I am directing this comment? My clients? My employees? My accountant? My banker? My book keeper? My husband? Nope.
Let me clarify. I thought he was my dog but he's filled me in on a few facts:
(1) He's not a *dog*- but an adult with fur.
(2) He does not belong to me, but I, to him.
His name is Eliot and he's a Yorkie, and you better believe he knows it too. He is fully aware of his rights. He knows he's got papers.
You've never seen such a sick, codependent relationship as ours. I am desperately in love and will do anything he tells me.
Here is a quick snapshot of our typical day.
"Eliot, are you ready to get up now? I'm ready to get up now."
Eliot: Well thank God, you lazy slob. I told you two hours ago I had to go outside and was hungry. Geez, woman.
I can leave the room on two conditions. If Eliot approves- or Eliot disapproves. If he disapproves, I have to take him with me. But first I have to explain myself:
"I'm going to the bathroom, I'll be right back."
Eliot: " I approve. You may go."
"I'm going to the garage to get something, I'll be right back."
Eliot: "No. I disapprove. You must take me with you because I know how you are in the garage. You think you need just one or two things and then you start going through other storage tubs and before you know it, a half hour has passed. Besides, that German Shepard might walk by so you'll need me to protect you."
When I have to take him with me, I must put him in his blue stroller and make sure he's got Mr. Teddy inside. If he's missing Mr. Teddy, he'll be mad at me.
When Eliot goes outside and proudly comes back in again; especially after a big poo-ey, he says:
Eliot: See what I did out there? Nice, huh? Gemme some cheese! Gemme some cheese RIGHT NOW!
Me: No! And quit bossing me around!
Repeat this dialogue until bed time. Get up the next day, repeat.