Thursday, October 22, 2009

"Of Course They Don't Like You. You Have Something Going On."

Do you know that moment you put your key in a lock and you hear that distinct, "click"?

My conversation with "J", another entrepreneur and woman who's always shakin' and bakin'- was exactly like that.

Having read an article about her and her business in The Dallas Morning News; I was excited to share with "J" how impressed I was with the business, typically a very male oriented business, that she had successfully availed herself.

"Now you and I know both know it's not as if I had 1.5 million dollars just sitting around to by BlahBlah (her business) with", "J" remarked.

"Of course not. You did a deal. I get ya."

"Yes. Right. Sure did."

"So, let me ask you- how do you get along with other women?", I ventured.

"Ah well."

"Yeah. Me too. I don't know. I don't get it. Just last week "A" told me that other women are intimidated by me. I'm nice. I'm gracious. I don't get it."

"Of course they don't like you. You have something going on! People don't like that", J shot back.

"Well, I don't think I'm better than they are." I said.

"No. See? You are better. You think bigger. Look- I don't mean to be rude but ("J" looks around the bus cautiously as we are on our way to a luncheon at the new Cowboy Stadium) but you know, the Chamber; some people there, I mean they're selling Juice Plus. Know what I mean?"

If you have something going on- man, I'm just the opposite~ Entrepreneur Chick wants to hear all about it and so does "J".

Last week I was at a business function and a woman timidly approached me.

"Uh... I just wanted to come over and say 'hi'. I don't know if you remember me. I just wanted to say 'hi' and talk to you if you have the time." She was shaking a little bit. At this point I thought, either she's very shy or... what? You are intimidated by me?! Good grief, what for?!

A few people have mistaken me being a southern woman who's basically warm and kind, as being a weakness. Yet they have quickly found out I can turn on you as quick as a Pit Bull being dragged by the ears if you think you're going to play me like that.

Sometimes I want to say to other women, "Listen. I don't want your man, okay? Can we move on now?" It's the whole undercurrent of cattiness that totally turns me cold with this type of broad, and believe me, the world is chalked full of them.

So, if they don't like me because I have "something going on"- at least I am being authentic. What else can you be but be yourself? I'm always going to have a multiplicity of irons in the fire. Other people with a bunch of irons in their fire will get me, and those that don't, ...don't.

So be it.


  1. Just the other day I thought of this woman I used to know who got mad at me one night because she thought I was flirting with her boyfriend. Years later I ran into her (she was with a different man) and greeted her warmly - and she was STILL pissed! She said, "Oh. It's you." And turned the other way.

    Gimme a break!

    The word verification is "mines" - very fitting.

  2. Tony tells me frequently- "Perception is your reality." I guess she thought you were really up in her "mines". lol

    Now, to be honest, ONE time this chick was up on my ex-husband. And I told her outeffingright:

    "Get your damn hands off my husband."

    "Hands" and "flirt" are two very different things.

    Even though I really didn't want him anymore, I didn't say SHE could have him.

    "A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city; and their conentions are like the bars of a castle."

  3. And another thing while I'm at it:

    This has happened so often. Back in the day, we'd have friends as a couple. And the husband of the couple would... be attracted.

    One night in Martha's Vineyard, this "friend" (the husband) I had known for a good 6 years, leaned over and whispered in my ear:

    "I've always been attracted to you. You have great legs."

    I don't trust anyone outright. Once they prove a certain non-betraying character quality, okay.

    "The simple believe every word."

  4. Yes, I've been on the other end of that too.

    And I did dance with that man, but come on - I didn't sleep with him, or even kiss him, and that was the only time I ever met him. To be mad years later about it seems a little weird.

  5. No, I'm still not done.

    Sooooo, I ended the friendship- the wife was always calling me up to get me to come back (she was really toxic though) and I never could bring myself to tell her:

    YOUR HUSBAND WANTS ME! Now do you understand why I need to go?

  6. Polly,

    Yeah. I know. But you threatened her to a point of nonrecovery!

  7. Polly,

    She's highly insecure. As Chloe would say, that's a "glitch" she doesn't have time for.

  8. Well, no one is intimidated by me anymore. I'm 65-years-old. I'm very outspoken, though...had to be. I've been a nurse for almost 45 years, in the field of forensics for 21...part of the new wave of nurses doing sexual assault cases. I learned early on not to be intimidated by law enforcement, district attorneys, defense attorneys and the like...and they became allies and I earned their respects. If they didn't, I didn't care. I was out to do the best job I could do.

    What mattered to me was that I had self respect and I had that in buckets!

  9. AS far as being intimidating:
    evidently speaking plainly and truthfully is not acceptable business practice for a woman.
    I've literally had a female customer burst into tears (on more than one occasion) when I am explaining why I cannot offer wholesale pricing - or giveaway pricing - so that she can afford to make her craft project. WTF?
    The concept of being in business to make money is so difficult to grasp? Men do it all the time...

  10. Be yourself - is the key advice. You cannot please anyone: some will find you intimidating, some will find you weak, treacherous, etc...

    If you're young, nice looking and a successful businesswoman, then I suppose you'll have both - people admiring you and people envying/hating you. You should be able to deal with both categories.

  11. Hey Chick,

    my problem with married friends is that, for some reason, I make them feel awkward. Men friends (I have one or two) tell me that I'm quite intimidating to men. WTF? And because I'm terminally single I don't get invited to married couples do's anymore. I must admit, there were a few dinner parties and such where certain men got drunk and started flirting with me right under their wives' noses. Embarrassing, but what am I to do? I can't change the fact that I ooze pheromones (so another male friend tells me).
    I get pissy about it ~ I mean, I know how to be civilized and well-behaved, it's just that they don't.

    I've always done better with male friends than female. Just gets messy if you cross that line in the friendship. Whoops.

  12. RNSANE,

    WEll, I wouldn't mess with ya! lol

    That's wonderful you have self respect. I have to be honest, there was a time when I had none for being such a big fat coward to not do better.

    There's nothing worse than knowing your better and not doing a dog gone thing about it. Glad those days are gone!

  13. DUTA,

    "Be yourself - is the key advice."

    Here, here. Because if one is not congruent with what's really important to them, ultimately, I think it can make ya a leetle crazy.

  14. Becky,

    "...evidently speaking plainly and truthfully is not acceptable business practice for a woman."

    Girl, tell me! That's why I think I take the easy road and pretty much deal with business to business- because the general public can be a little more emotional and unresonable.

    Another business is usually just so grateful to have you and trusts you and defers to you. At least, that's been my experience.

    I belive though, you have to stand your ground. I have a lot of really wonderful non-profits that hire us. But I'm absolutely upfront with them: "This is what we do for a living. We'll crunch the numbers for you, but it's not free. It will never be free."

  15. RNSANE,

    Make that, "you're". Oops. I got rid of my fake nails so it's not those causing typos... must be the blond hair.

  16. I am so behind here!!! You know me well enough that I say F them - why would you want to be around women who don't know themselves enough to be secure and comfortable with their lives and what they've got? Who needs that shit???

    Let them go off and be toxic with others. You know what they say, birds of a feather...

  17. Chloe,

    The worst offenders in this area,("why would you want to be around women who don't know themselves enough to be secure and comfortable with their lives and what they've got?") sorry to say, are found @ church. Women, after having a few kids, tend to let themselves go in a big way. If you're not fat and miserable, you aren't going to fit in with them. I dread going to another church and face the same dynamic. It's draining.