Sunday, December 13, 2009

Crazy for Christmas?






As children we all learned this- when we see a hot stove, do we put our hand on the burner?
No!

As adults, have we all learned this?
When we see a crazy lady, do we be her friend?
No!

While sitting innocently enough at my friend Jamie's martini bar, at first I thought "Amanda" was Marge's friend; therefore I was quite nice and treated her graciously, as I would anyone.

When I began to notice Amanda, in her black and red leopard print bling-bling infused blouse, full of random "fucks", "shits" and "mercy!" was something of a whackjob, I casually inquired,
"So Marge, how do you and Amanda know each other?"
"Oh, we don't. I was sitting here and she pulled up a chair."

But the deal was, Amanda was 73 if she was a day, and I have been taught to respect my elders.  I continued to be congenial even when she, rather in a drunken state asked-

"Who are you really, Mary?"
(Amanda is from England. She refused to say my name correctly at all, because, "It is far too long.")

"Who am I really? I'm an entrepreneur."
"So what.  And?"
"And I can take you or leave you."

"Oh,  jolly good! In that case, I'd like you to come over to my home after this. We'll open a bottle of wine and put on some music. Will you come?"

Even though she liked Miles Davis and John Coltrane and had a great copy of Dorothy Parker and her husband died four years ago and she's very lonely and she owns a bangin' sea green Christian Dior hat from the 1960's perfect for our Retro Dinner Club, and "Don't fuck with me- I have so much more money than you do", she said for no apparent reason- I've seen enough of this personality type to know that it's not a match.

I do not have the skills needed to cope with toxic people, nor do I feel I should develop the inclination.

Here are seven signs you're dealing with someone who will never have your best interest at heart.

Just in time for all those family gatherings this time of year, huh?

Give your crazy, drunken, nasty joke telling in front of your children uncle a few smooches from Entrepreneur Chick.



8 comments:

  1. P.S. to everyone:

    God. She just called me. Know what she asked?

    "Mary Dahling, tell me how your weekend has been? What lovely things have you done?"

    I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON BECAUSE I JUST WROTE ABOUT HOW CRAZY YOU ARE AND ACTUALLY, MAYBE YOU'RE REALLY VERY NICE BUT YOU GET A LITTLE MEAN WHEN YOU DRINK.

    AND I SHOULD BE SHOT.

    I don't know guys, help me out. Think I should go on?

    How would I feel if my husband died?

    Maybe she needs me to be her friend and maybe I shouldn't be such a judgmental brat and step up to the plate and realize it ain't about me all the time.

    What do you think? I should at least give it another shot, right? I could be totally wrong about this.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm calling you right now!! Here is the basis of my argument...she can't use your husband's death as a means of guilt! Besides that, the woman discounted what you do for a living..not cool jack. t-10..it's ringing! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Go with your gut, is all I can say. I believe from experience that abrasive people cross our paths for a reason, if only to reinforce why we don't want them in our lives - but no one else can call that but you.

    I'm dreadfully curious to see how this all unfolds. She at least sounds interesting.

    Remind me to tell you about the woman (whom I'd never seen before) who knocked on my door the other night and demanded a ride somewhere because I live next to a church.

    ReplyDelete
  4. "A",

    You raised some very chilling points that wouldn't have crossed my mind in a million years.

    So chilling, in fact, you could write horror/thriller/slasher movies.

    Thanks so much for helping me.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Polly,

    I told her, "I'll call you tomorrow." So I'm going to call her tomorrow because I said I would.

    If this was a business deal, I'd know what to do. This sort of thing throws me into a tail spin.

    WHAT?! Give her a ride because you live next door to a church? Maybe you could schedule her for baptism in your bathtub too. For heaven's sake...

    ReplyDelete
  6. I don't think I'd bother with her myself...at 65, I feel like I have to be selective..don't have that many years left to waste!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. RNSANE,

    As I told "A" last night on the phone, "If it feels crazy, it probably is."

    Having had a night to sleep on it, I agree with you.

    If it is already THIS problematic- come on.

    (I did a test once, said I was going to live to 102. Oh dear. Maybe I should start smoking.)

    ReplyDelete