This is Brittny (red Santa hat) and me doing that exact dance.
What you don't know is that I am laughing hysterically making my eyes squinch like Renee Zellweger, due to the following conversation:
Me: Brittny, let me up!
Brittny: Hmmmm... no.
AND I CAN'T SAY IT!
I have a rubberband on my wrist. Anytime I cuss or complain, I must pop myself equal to the number of infractions.
No one told me to do this. I decided I needed to take radical measures- otherwise I might end up like my Grandmother Edna, who was a one woman off Broadway show- launching into long, rambling discourses about her latest medical misfortunes.
All she needed was a few dance numbers and a Playbill.
If you'd like to know what I complain the most about, upon your next trip to the drug store, just pick up a bottle of Midol and read the list on the back of the box.
The first ten minutes I wore my rubberband, I violated the rules five times.
Three for cussing. Two for complaining.
I'm explaining, on the phone, this to Amy:
"I said "sh*@", "FU#@" and "as*#$@*."
"Who were you mad at?"
Later in the day, I'm explaining, on the phone, this to Allison:
"I said, "sh*@", "FU#@!", and "as*#$@."
"You said "sh*@", "FU#@!", and a*#$@?"
"Well," she asks all Cheshire Cat like- "aren't you supposed to pop yourself now because you just said it again?"
"DAMN!" I say, because now I have to pop myself.
And then I go: "DAMN!" a second time and cover my mouth, because I remember "damn" is a cuss word.
"DAMN!" spews forth a third time because my mouth apparently has a mind of its own. I can't seem to stop myself. I'm filled with regret, realizing I now have to pop myself SIX times.
Do the math.
I pop it 'till I drop it!
And to all my very pious readers, I've a question:
What word starts with an "F" and ends in a "CK"?
"Firetruck", you perverts.
P.S. I know some of you are concerned that I should not be doing that dance in the dress I was wearing, which looked like this, only with white piping down the sides:
But it was a private party and everyone there already knows I'm crazy, wild, nuts?
Is "intoxicated" the word you're looking for?