Sunday, December 6, 2009

How to go Glamping: 101

I've been back from "glamping" for a week now, so here's the "glamping" pictures I promised.

Review. "Glamping"~ Like normal camping but with glamour added: therefore: glamping.

Here's how it works:

You have rugs- must place them everywhere in your tent. No dirt. Bad dirt. Dirt bad. (Listen, as a woman, I can tell you right now you do not want sand in your sleeping bag to sneak up right into your hoo ha and night. You will not get a dot of rest.)

Should you need anything quicky- flashlight? Tongs? Salt and pepper? Napkins? Batteries? Bandaides? Asprin? Acid reducer? Cold medicine? Rain jacket? (Yeah, there's actually two emergency rain coats in there...) you simply reach in mah nifty black drawers~

And of course, you deck out yer dawgs:

Emerson is sporting his football jacket; that's his sleeping bag, which we move into the tent at night. He has no clue he's a dog. Seriously doesn't.

No fly zone.

Lakeview from tent.

We have two rooms! Whoa.

See those three green tubs? We keep them all filled and ready to go. When you want to go glamping, you just pick them up, add some food and grab your ice chest!

My favorite part is sitting in the screen porch of the tent in the morning and sipping hot coffee with the tantalizing smell of sizzling bacon and eggs outside- lucious!

And is he not the most adorable husband you ever saw?

Answer: Yes, he's the most adorable husband we ever saw!

Now for the real story. I know what you're thinking, so let me start there. Why are there no pictures of Entrepreneur Chick?

Tony took one picture of me in the tent holding Eliot when I woke up in the morning with my eyelashes (extensions) all glumped together. No, you are not going to see that.
As for glamping, this was my last trip without one of these:

The first night I got almost zero sleep. Insomnia. Plus there was some creature from The Howling outside my tent- maybe a cross between Wolfman, The Deer Woman, a vampire and the Creature from the Black Lagoon. I debated for a long while how badly I really needed to uh..."get up".

Creature: Aaaaaaaah, oooooooooh!
Me: Oh dear Lord, what was that?!
Creature: Oooooh, AAARRRRR.
Me: On a scale of one to ten, I'd say I'm about at a four. If I fall asleep before I reach a six or a seven, I'll be okay.
Creature: You really think you're going to fall asleep with all this racket I'm making?
Me: Sleep. Sleep. You're getting sleeeeeepy....
Creature: That's not going to work.

Just when I started (finally) to fall asleep, Eliot, my Yorkie, started throwing himself around in my sleeping bag because he didn't want to wear his new coat I bought him anymore, but I didn't figure that out, until two and a half hours later.

Which brings us to six a.m. people. Aaah. Finally I can sleep!

These would be the kids from the tent around the corner.

OKAY, I am UP! Is everybody happy now!?

Upon leaving, I asked our camping neighbor, Chad: "You want our tent?"
"What's wrong with it?"
"How much?"


  1. 'glamping' - I like the word .

    Both your husband Tony and your dog Eliot are adorable. The glamping tips are helpful, and the pictures lovely.
    And your generosity in the end - giving your tent away for free is overwhelming.

  2. And ya'll make fun of me for not wanting to go camping!! I will stick to glamping in my backyard tyvm!! :)

  3. Awesome pseudo-dog, incredible tent (two rooms AND a vestibule???), adorable husband (platonically speaking), and extremely hilarious anecdote about the Wolfdeerwoman from the Black Lagoon. I'll bet you it was either Sasquatch or just the local mountain man on a whiskey kick.

    At least it was kids and not peacocks. I have been sleeping in several places where there were peacocks in the immediate vicinity. Those make you want to gouge somebody's eyeballs out with a grapefruit spoon.

    Sorry the glamping wasn't as restful as planned. Seems quite fun for the most part, though! Just to warn you, the Wolfman is probably going try to barge into an RV to keep warm.

  4. I remember the last camping trip my wife and I ever did, about 15 years ago.

    On the first night, after a long drive in the pouring rain and howling wind, we decided we couldn't face putting up the tent in that weather so stayed in a B&B.

    By the 2nd night, the weather hadn't eased up so we stayed in another B&B.

    The third night we couldn't find a campsite where we were so stayed in a B&B...

    In the end, the tent never left the car over the entire week's holiday...

  5. SEE???!!! That is why I stay in hotels!!!!! And yes, dirt=bad!!!

  6. Your campsite is better equipped and organized than my house!

    Kim's story above reminds me of the time a girlfriend and I went camping in Mississippi and Florida. The first night we camped on the beach and it was so windy and sandy we couldn't pitch the tent - it kept blowing away. We slept in the car.

    The second night it poured rain. We were driving along the coast and the Gulf was swooshing up over the road. We finally got to Buccaneer State Park, but were trapped in the car. We ended up driving back to Baton Rouge in the middle of the night.

  7. DUTA,

    Why thank you!

    I did not realize that giving away my tent would have such an impact. Aww...

    What I try to live by is this: if I'm not going to use an item, there is no reason for me to have that item.

    All I'd be doing is creating clutter. When I move, I'll have to move all that clutter I don't want or use.

  8. Postman,

    Where did I get the idea that Sasquatch lives in Canada?

    You camp with peacocks? That's interesting. My first thought is that you must camp and Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch.

    My brillo pad for the eyeballs illustration that made you cringe last week is exactly what your "poke your eyes out with a grapefruit spoon" did for ME.

    Oddly, I'd like a grapefruit. Little splenda sprinkled on top.

    Maybe I'd like Wolfman to get into my RV. {{wink}} Someetimes I like it rough.

    I did NOT just say that.

  9. Kim,

    That's SO funny!

    "Camping by Way of B&B's" by Kim Ayres

  10. Chloe,

    Yeah, I see. I'm really sick of it (camping in bad conditions) and when I told you about the pack of wild coyotes at night, and how Tony had to come look for me with a flashlight to make sure they didnt' eat me-


    You win.

  11. Polly,

    Oh my! And thus ended your camping altogether?

    What a bad string of events.

    Polly's Series of Misfortunate Camping Events.

    {{I am an organization FREAK. Both Tony and I are. I asked him, are you having fun? Are you excited about camping? He said, "Sure I am! Look, I made a list!"}}

  12. To Everyone in the Entire Universe, Including Alien Life Forms Who Might Be Visiting:

    Let us, therefore, hear the conclusion of the whole camping/glamping matter:

    Camping is only good when the weather is absolutely condusive.

    The weather is seldom condusive.

    While you will ultimately be tired, strung out, unable to sleep, miserable and have a generally terrible time- yet you will look back on your camping days and tell the story with some kind of fondness.

    Go figure.

  13. "A",

    I will no longer tease you about this. Consider the matter closed.

    I will move on to tease you about your whole wheat Goldfish crackers.

  14. Aside from my sad camping story, I actually really love camping and go any chance I get. In addition to being the dirty hippie/eccentric artist capitol of the world, the Taos area, northern NM in general actually, is also a huge outdoor paradise. It's too beautiful here not to camp.

    I'm so glad we're getting married. I'll cook and you clean. It's perfect!

  15. Polly,

    Me too! I told Tony, "Guess WHAT?! I found us a wife!"

    If I break down and buy another tent, I'm headed in your direction, Wifey Poo.

    P.S. I can clean. I don't mind. If you can cook and I can clean, I think we'll be great. I forgot to tell you. I don't want to have kids. Is that okay? I was thinking of doing a black and white wedding. But those are just my color choices. I'm open to suggestions. You are the bride, afterall.

  16. Sasquatch is sort of all around. Except in Canada he drinks Molson Canadian (sorry, Polly, that's an inside joke between myself and my friend Jeff, I had to throw it in there).

    We've had neighbors (who were definitely NOT Michael Jackson) who had peacocks. Not pleasant. Better than some neighbors I've heard of who had emus and tigers. No trespassing!

    So you like hairy guys who are a little rough around the edges, eh? Sexy. ;)

  17. Geez, I don't want more kids either, are you nuts? I've already got four! Is that going to be a problem?

  18. Tony wants to know if the kids have jobs.

    I just want to know if they stay in the guest house, except for Eliana, because I know I'd get along swimmingly with her. :)

    My friend has a guest house by the pool that her nanny stays in, but her nanny has a overzealous friend from Morroco who kept asking me out to lunch at her party.

    "What? It's just lunch!" he said.
    "See that big, black man over there? You still wanna go?"

  19. Well, the point is moot since we have to live in Taos, and I don't have anything even remotely resembling a guest house - Oh wait, yes I do - I live in it. With three kids. And two cats.

    My oldest lives on her own and has two jobs, Emma (16 yrs.) has been saying she's going to get a job for a year now, and Graeme (12) is too young, but would love a job.