I'm Begging You NOT TO READ THIS!

Is it always illegal to kill a woman and is it always illegal to communicate your message in the same boring manner? El Chico thinks so.

What if the manager, Emily, came by and handed you a sealed envelope which read:

DO NOT OPEN! NO PEAKING!?

You evil envelope. All I could do was stare at you like it was freaking Christmas and munch my tacos with utter distraction.

I'll tell you what, El Chico, you might say, has seen its better days- but some marketing guru that they've obviously hired begs to differ.

Pretty doggone slick, El Chico. Dammit, I'll be back.