So I called up the newspaper yesterday and I said, "Hey Bob. How are ya? It's Marilisa."
"Marilisa, great to hear from you- how are you?"
"I'm just great -because boy- do I ever have a fabulous story idea for you!"
"Oh, wonderful- what is it?"
"It's 'Timeshare a Donkey'!
"Well, you see when I was a little girl I had a donkey named Wilbur and a horse named Suzy. But the problem was that Suzy dug holes in the yard and she taught Wilbur to dig holes in the yard- and so my dad got tired of always falling off in holes everywhere he went- and so they were both sold, but I loved Wilbur the best."
"Well, see, I still miss Wilbur."
"But I got this idea! (Lucy) Timeshare a Donkey! I'm going to get a donkey and I have five interested families already who will split the purchase cost and the cost for his care- see? A donkey timeshare!"
"Oh. Okay, I understand better now- but Marilisa, with all respect- it's just- a donkey. I mean are you going to add more exotic animals later on like maybe say, an Em mu or an Alpaca or something like that?"
"Of course we are!" Entrepreneur Chick is a salesman to the core. All salesman get out in the field and over-promise the client and then leave the home office the arduous task in figuring out how to deliver. In this case- *I am* the home office. I start to feel a little sweaty now...
"But still, you just have the- donkey."
Now I can tell when I'm losing a prospect. So he's forcing me to pull out the big guns and pull them out fast.
"I-Don't-Think-You-Understand-All-The-Really-Cool-Features-A-Donkey-Comes-With" And with that statement- I was instantaneously transformed into The Donkey Seller Extraordinaire- that any KirbyMan worth his salts would certainly applaud.
"I didn't know this but I have learned that a DONKEY is very valuable. Oh yeah. See, when a predator like a coyote or something, comes over and tries to attack and eat the horses, why, the horses will run and that's all the defense they have. But no. Not a donkey. A donkey will stand and fight and kick those coyotes to death. See? Isn't that great? The horses live and the coyotes die- all because of the DONKEY."
"I didn't know that."
"Yep. It's absolutely true."
First battleship- FIRED!
Second battleship- deploy!
"And also, here's another reason, Bob. You know, it's for the children. Think of the children."
"What about the children?"
"Well, poor things. All they get in the city is just your catslash, dogslash, goldfishslash and the occasional hamster, but everybody knows those don't live very long. I mean, they've never experienced nature like this and animals outside their Leave It To Beaver paradigms. How about those parents who would like to give their child such an enriching experience?"
Bob is listening intently now. The deer is in the headlights- but I'm not satisfied just yet. He's been a harder nut to crack than I thought. I must go in for the kill.
"And honestly this is terrible. But Tony told me a few days ago how, because of the economy, people have just had to abandon their animals. I said to him, Tony, stop right there- don't tell me anymore because I just can't stand to hear it. It cuts me to the quick." I am 100% on point with this and am not playing around in any way.
"And a few months ago the news stations did a story about a couple who owns a ranch in McKinney. This couple is known for taking in animals of all kinds- horses, livestock, everything you can imagine- but because times have gotten so tough, they have been overwhelmed with the number of animals they are receiving and so called the new stations for the word to get out that they absolutely can not take anymore. They just can't do it. They are strapped to the very gills."
"So, you'd not only preserve the animal's life, but perhaps you are using this as an adjunct to an existing humane society or something like that?"
Bob goes on to fully paint the whole picture back to me, as only an experienced and well versed reporter can do.
I close by saying, "You understand perfectly and have just written over 1/3 of the article."
"That's fine, Marilisa. Just call me when you have your particulars nailed down and we'll do the story."
The only thing left to do is explain this to my bookkeeper who's already busy enough and perhaps won't appreciate Donkey Invoicing. And my accountant who'll have to look up tax laws for me personally and see if I can "write off any of a donkey's care as a business expense?" And my attorney, who'll laugh right out loud when I explain that I just need some Donkey Liability Terms and Agreements drawn up. But it's okay- for I will begin- Drop the lights. Cue somber music. "Think of the children...."