I Pop it, 'till I DROP IT!

For all of my homie hip hop readers out there, such as myself, I am not refering to Huey's "Pop Lock and Drop It".

This is Brittny (red Santa hat) and me doing that exact dance.

What you don't know is that I am laughing hysterically making my eyes squinch like Renee Zellweger, due to the following conversation:

Me: Brittny, let me up!

Brittny: Hmmmm... no.

And what you don't see is that I have on some way cute, Nine West, three inch stacked ankle straps, trying to balance us both. One second later we fell on our cute little...

 AND I CAN'T SAY IT!

I have a rubberband on my wrist. Anytime I cuss or complain, I must pop myself equal to the number of infractions.

No one told me to do this. I decided I needed to take radical measures- otherwise I might end up like my Grandmother Edna, who was a one woman off Broadway show- launching into long, rambling discourses about her latest medical misfortunes.

All she needed was a few dance numbers and a Playbill.

If you'd like to know what I complain the most about, upon your next trip to the drug store, just pick up a bottle of Midol and read the list on the back of the box.

The first ten minutes I wore my rubberband, I violated the rules five times.

Three for cussing. Two for complaining.

I'm explaining, on the phone, this to Amy:

"I said "sh*@", "FU#@" and "as*#$@*."

"Who were you mad at?"

"Nobody."

Later in the day, I'm explaining, on the phone, this to Allison:

"I said, "sh*@", "FU#@!", and "as*#$@."

"You said "sh*@", "FU#@!", and a*#$@?"

"Yes."

"Well," she asks all Cheshire Cat like- "aren't you supposed to pop yourself now because you just said it again?"

"DAMN!" I say, because now I have to pop myself.

And then I go: "DAMN!" a second time and cover my mouth, because I remember "damn" is a cuss word.

"DAMN!"  spews forth a third time because my mouth apparently has a mind of its own.  I can't seem to stop myself. I'm filled with regret, realizing I now have to pop myself SIX times.

Do the math.

See?

I pop it 'till I drop it!

And to all my very pious readers, I've a question:

What word starts with an "F" and ends in a "CK"?

"Firetruck", you perverts.

P.S. I know some of you are concerned that I should not be doing that dance in the dress I was wearing, which looked like this, only with white piping down the sides:

But it was a private party and everyone there already knows I'm crazy, wild, nuts?

Is "intoxicated" the word you're looking for?