A Big Fuss for a Little Dress

People, you just don't know. It seemed like a pretty simple task. Choose a dress for the event tonight. So, I did.

Pretty sexy, huh? Wait until you see the back-

Oh yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about.

Certainly you are not so naive as to believe that our work here is done? Oh no. Here we go. Fasten your freakin' fashion seat belts because...

Exactly what do you think I'm going to wear underneath that?

Let's evalutate the situation.

The back is open. OPEN. LOW. Soooo, no bra.

What?! No bra?!

Yes, hell has frozen over- I might go without a bra. I could ya know. A 34 B has a little jiggle but...

Okay, you've convinced me. I shall find a bra.

Are you happy now? Because I hope you are seeing as I am going to have to G-L-U-E it on my boobies. Have you spent a nice evening with glued boobies? I didn't think so.

And this is just the top half.

What about the legs? NOW what are we going to do since you're so Stephen Hawking over there, huh?

I want these:

But you say, nooooo, no. No. No. Because, you say, the dress is already busy enough with all the bling, bling- it'll look tacky.

Let me get this straight. I've got glued taa taas and you are worried about me looking tacky?

How about this, you say?

Hello? It's November. And you know I'm a white chick. Now you're going to have to make me mess with this inconvenience:

I'm not booking a spray tan appointment. Do you really want me to end up like this?

This is what I'm wearing and it's final. DEAL.

What about the shoes? Good question.

These would be so hawt!

Yes, you agree. They would. And should there be name tags mine can say;

Hello I'm: MarilisaAndalsoAHooker

Well. What about these?

Hello I'm: MarilisafromaplanetfarFarAway

Well, I'm going with these and it's final.

Oh, for heaven's sake. Of course I'm not wearing one black and one purple. How many shots of Bourbon have you had this morning?

Yes, *we* are all done-

Now my only two directives this evening well be:

1. Do not make out with a girl on the dance floor when they play Katy Perry. While, after two or three glasses of chardonay on an empty stomach I might think that's cute. It's not. Really. Not.

2. Do not drop it like it's hot on the dance floor either.

If I'm a little tipsy and can't be sure, I can always check the crowd for one of these:

Otherwise, me and my puddy kat are going to rock da houze!